Wednesday, September 05, 2007

On my mind

I've had so much on my mind lately, yet haven't been able to get it all down to share with y'all. I guess I'll just try to summarize a little to get it out there...

* Insomnia -this is one of the most prevalent things on my mind right now. For the past I don't even remember how long, I've been really struggling with sleep. I have a hard time falling asleep; once my head hits the pillow my mind goes into overdrive thinking about anything and everything. Things I want to do, things I need to do, completely random stuff that means nothing; it takes about an hour to fall asleep almost every night. Not good. Then, while I am sleeping it still feels like my mind is going so I'm not really resting. If I have wake up in the night for whatever reason, (Jonathan, restroom, etc.) it takes forever to fall back to sleep. It's really starting to affect my mental welfare I think. I can't seem to get motivated to the things I need to get done. I'm a little uneasy about taking something to help me sleep, as I'm afraid I won't wake up to hear Jonathan if he needs me. Rebecca mentioned that I could try a Melatonin supplement. I went yesterday & bought some, but apparently I bought a really low dose, 300 mcg which only equals .3 mg, and it didn't do anything for me last night. I'm going to give the doctor a call & see if it's okay to take more than one at a time. Do you have any other suggestions?

* Weight Loss - Another thing I've really been struggling with is my weight. I know what I need to do to take care of it, but I just can't seem to find the motivation to do it. There are so many reasons I want to lose the weight. As of right now I'm right at 100 pounds overweight. Gosh, that's a horrible thing to put out there. The main reason is that I want to be healthy; I want to be around to watch Jonathan (and any future children) grow up. I want to be able to play with them & not feel winded after only moments. I also want to grow old with Chris; I want to enjoy our children's lives together & experience grandchilren together. When our children grow up and move out of the house I want to be around to enjoy that time alone together. Of course, another reason is the way I look. Some days I don't mind the weight so much, but those days are far outweighed by the ones that I do. I want to look good for Chris, he deserves a wife that he can be proud to be seen with. Also, when Jonathan is older & in school, I don't want him to be embarrassed by his "fat mommy". I don't want other kids to make fun of him, and I don't want other parents looking at him and thinking, "poor kid, look at his Mom." So, I'm going to work on making one small change at a time. I think my first step will be to cut out soda, I know that will make a huge difference, and drinking water is one of the best things you can do. Another thing I really want to do when the weather gets cooler (which will hopefully be soon) is start walking in the neighborhood. We have a great neighborhood for it, and I might actually get to meet some of the neighbors. Bonus!

* Jonathan's 1st Birthday party - as much as I'd like to be in denial about it, Jonathan is growing up. ;o) I can't believe this year has gone by so quickly, it's been the most amazing year of my life. I've done a little planning so far for his party, mostly just the basics. I still have to mail the invites (next week) and make arrangements for food, etc. I think we're going to have a pizza party. There's a great place nearby that sells large pepperoni and cheese pizzas for $5 a piece! You can't beat that. And they taste great too! I've already bought some of the supplies. I happened to go into Party City and found this great set of stuff for next to nothing. It was in the clearance section for $.25 each! Can you believe that? I got the invitations, plates, goodie bags, blowers, thank you notes, a banner, a candle and a few other things for $7.50!!! The deal of the century. I still have to order the cake, get sodas, cups, silverware, etc., but after having saved all that money it doesn't feel like too big of a deal. Now, about the presents.... Anyone have any good suggestions for birthday gifts for a one year old boy? I'm at a loss.

* Halloween - I've been trying to figure out what Jonathan is going to be for Halloween this year. It will be his first year trick-or-treating so I want it to be something cute. After some browsing I found this adorable "golfer" costume, but I just can't justify the $35 for one night. So, I'm still on the lookout. I may keep any eye on Ebay & see what I can find there.

Wow, that turned out to be a novel. But it felt good to get it all out there; sometimes seeing it in writing helps me think things out a little better. I'd love any thoughts or suggestions you have about any of these things. (In other words... leave me a comment!!!)


laurel said...

I take Melatonin too and the only side effect I've had is the vivid dreams. I think mine is 5mg and usually I take half of one. Not any groggier in the morning than when I don't take it. I'm not really a morning person so waking up is always a struggle. ;-)

I'm there with you on the weight thing. Some people, like my sister, can just start walking every day and it drops off. Hopefully you fall into that category because just walking does a world of good. Hopefully soon it will be cool enough to walk without having to do it at 6am. yawn.

Zoe said...

I tried melatonon once and the dreams were way too vivid for me. I ended up getting an rx for an anxiety med...because it seems anxiety is what keeps me up the most.

I hear ya on the weight issue girl. I'm going to join weight watchers. Although the divorce diet seems to be working well...I just realized I haven't eaten since lunch wonder I am cranky!

PS Thanks for checking out my blog on my wild clan and for giving me some new reading material too!

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