Thursday, August 10, 2006

I don't want to be here

I'm so ready for my maternity leave to start. Although, unbeknownst to my boss & the higher ups, I won't be coming back. Can you say HALLELUJAH! (If you're one of my Hitachi friends reading this, shhhh, it's a secret!)

Chris and I really want for me to be able to stay home once this little person arrives. I think we're pretty close to figuring it out, we've done some cutting back, and we'll probably do more. We eat out so much it's ridiculous, but we're trying to do better. We for sure won't be eating out that much once I'm staying home. I've always known that when I had children, I wanted to be a stay at home mom. It's very important to me for ME to be the one to raise my kids, not some daycare worker. I don't want to miss all of those important milestones, rolling over, first words & first steps. I feel that God has placed this desire in me, and He will help us to make it work. There was a discussion on the radio a few months ago where they had some working moms and stay at home moms in the studio. I was amazed at how mean they could be to each other. Like somehow working outside the home made those moms "bad moms", or the stay at home moms were just living a leisurely life, getting pedicures & going to yoga classes. I definitely don't feel that way. You have to do what's right for you and your family, and no one should be looked down upon for whatever decision they've made. Some women just aren't meant to be stay at home moms. Does that make them bad mothers? OF COURSE NOT! Their children are much better off with a mom who's happy with her life, and can be the best mother she can. Other women aren't cut out to be working moms. Their children will benefit so much more from a mother who's feeling fulfilled by staying home with them. I think that's what it comes down to, feeling fulfilled in your role as mother. Granted, I haven't actually earned that title yet, but I know it's the most difficult job a woman can have. And I'm sure it's also the most wonderful and rewarding one. Regardless of whether you earn a paycheck outside the home.

Whew, that turned into a bit of a rant. Sorry. ;o)

I was actually coming here to vent about my job & how I'm so ready to leave. I'm so bored with my work, and there's nowhere else within the company for me to move to. I've worked in three departments, Customer Service, Credit/Collections, and now the Accounting department, and now I'm stuck. I basically do data entry, and it's mindless, boring work. Every day Chris asks me how my day was, and pretty much every day I give the same answer, "Same as every other day." And it's true. He often says how he doesn't understand how I do it, that he'd never be able to. Well, I can't do it much longer, and thankfully I don't have to. The countdown to my due date now says 55 days! Little do most people know, that it's really a countdown to when I'm done here. Even if we do determine that I have to go back to work somewhere (probably just part-time) it definitely won't be here.

There are several people that I will miss when I leave. But there are also several people that I won't miss. I've found myself getting irritated with people more quickly. And it's not even "important" stuff. Just the way they are. There are "the talkers" who know EVERYTHING and have to make sure that they let us know that. I swear they study the encyclopedia and watch everything that comes on TV so they can have some input about any subject. And they can't just talk amongst themselves, they have to speak loud enough that everyone can hear what they have to say. We finally got cubicles in our department, partially to help with the noise from "the talkers". Sadly, it hasn't really helped. Then there's "the cougher". I have never heard anyone cough so loud and so much! It's quite disgusting actually. She doesn't cover her mouth, so there's no telling what kinds of germs she's spreading. She could also be called "the burper", or "the starer". I feel a little bad saying these things, but sometimes you just gotta get it out in the open. I don't let her know that I feel this way, it's all just petty stuff, but day after day it definitely wears on you.

Okay, I guess I'm done complaining. I promise to be more upbeat in the future.


Rebecca said...

oh my!

Laurel said...

I love your rant on stay at home v. working. I think you are right on.

Happy blogging!

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